will my return disappoint some? neh wat the heck

Sunday, August 20, 2006

Woman DO love BAD guys....

HI guys.. i know i havent been updating for donkey years... so sorry and do bear with me if i tend to be a little naggy --

A little update on my life in the past mths-- i was jobless hah-- very much proud to add on to s'pore 's few % of zeRo earning beings-- well whatsoever-- anyway yup-- i recently started another job which gives me more room to run around and know more people which well i'm still trying very hard to adapt to.

anyway recently i've been analysing 2 men in my life -- Name them Mr. A and Mr. B

Mr. A

Know Mr. A for coming 4 years -- have been his lover eversince... given in to his every command to the extend that i fear really falling in love with him which was never to happen -- our relationship only surronds around sex-- nvr shared a movie or meal together (pathetic hah)-- we will not meet for above two hours-- cos thats the duration for budget hotels isn't it-- someone who never once gave in to my tantrums -- a guy of little words -- some1 who never send me to my door and some1 whom would rather wait for me to cross over the other side of the road to reach his car then to make a u-turn to pick me from where i am-- a guy who tells me straight in the face that he will never LOVE me-- some1 who is not fantastic in bed yet i feel every bit on fire whenever his body presses towards mine -- some1 whom i will think of should i need to masturbate -- some1 whom i never received a gift from or even a birthday greeting from-- cos he never ever remembered my birthday--


Mr. B

The ever giving Mr. Nice-- is always there when i am down -- whenever Mr. A made me cry, Mr. B will always be there to offer his shoulders-- a guy that always makes sure i don't skip my meals -- always picks me at my dorrstep even if he just finish nite shift-- someone who isnt afraid to be seen with me -- someone who will spring surprises at me like calling near midnite and ask me to go Johor with him for drinks ( i tried a ciggie for the 1st time in my life while out with him and his friends-- didnt like it one bit though-- gave up after 3puffs -- i'm such a loser ya-- all my gal friends can socially smoke whereas at my age i still kant take it-- hah) -- some stupid things that he will do like bringing me to escape theme park and playing those tummy churning kiddy rides with me-- yar i admit i am a kid at heart at times -- some1 who carries my auntie bag for me whenever we are out --but its just so heart warming to know there is some1 who treasures u around -- and the catch is-- he never ask for sex-- we are not sexually involved which i myself is surprised -- hah-- some1 who will be so silly to wait downstairs with a bouquet of flowers in hand to see me happy--


Conclusion

So ultimately who will i choose if given a second choice--


Guess u guys know ya -- Its still Mr. A-- don't ask me why -- maybe its just in gals to feel more towards a "bad" guy -- maybe in search of the day he will change and love her in return -- call me a slut for all i care-- even my personal frenz have called me that-- why would i offer myself like a pro -- or even worse-- a non charging pro to some1 who wouldnt care even if i died b4 him -- I thought i would grow out of this infatuation -- but i never did-- he is still the only guy which i choose to trust and allow him to fuck me raw-- someone whom i cant seem to get myself not involved with although we did seperated several times over the years --

Will there be an end to this?? I can only conclude that his badness did attract me initially but with time i am forced to learn to protect myself alittle -- I will still cry if he leaves me -- but I knoe i will live on -- though i very much hope i will not have to live though such heartache --...