will my return disappoint some? neh wat the heck

Shocking but true

2006-11-26T21:10:00.000+08:00

Since i have not updated for long, maybe i should just add another post -- to voice out my amusement --

I have begun doubting my knowledge for men -- A guy friend who already has a family -- whom i am not close to suddenly confided in me that he has a china gal which he has fallen for -- my jaw dropped in ultimate shock--

he is not rich -- he can only afford to give this cheena gal $500 a month --

Of course, as usual, she complained that its never enough-- and the more shocking fact is---

he decided to share this "loved one" with a few buddies -- double shock --

he starts self blaming for not being able to provide for this gal and having her to have the hard way out to having serve his other guy pals as well for money -- then did i realise that she is actually being shared among a few guys who give a a couple of hundreds to fuck her upon a fone call --

I have nothing better to say after hearing that -- call me a prude -- but wats the diff from visiting a pro?

Till they lose do they appreciate

2006-11-26T20:41:00.000+08:00

I recently met up with a gal friend (lets call her Rina) whom i havent seen in ages... and boy does she look radiant! poof...

well anyway, we were really catching up when sadness began welling up in her eyes.. i knew something was wrong-- but how do i start without making things worse..

The weather started changing upon me asking about her 5 yrs bf which whom i did not approve of since day 1-- he is this damn scrooge -- believe me or not-- here is this real pretty lass with whom was with him for 5 damn years and not once have she received a stalk of grass from him-- needless to say flowers -- and hey come on she stood by him and yet he treated her like dirt -- someone which he can not meet up for a week without feeling weird -- well anyway, after some cautious probing, she revealed that she have done this guy wrong-- she feels really bad about falling for no2 whom she got to know at her new workplace -- no2 is thoughtful and full of surprises -- someone who she knows she shouldnt fall for but yet couldnt resist his charm-- he isnt rich but he makes the effort to surprise her --

Rina broke the news to Mr scrooge that she had made out her mind to leave him and that she is sorry to have betrayed him but she have made up her mind for no2 instead -- (can u believe she actually felt bad about leaving him?) -- needless to say, Mr scrooge panicked -- and tried wooing her back with bunches of flowers and an LV bag-- (bear in mind he is Mr scrooge -- his bday presents to her all these years were like perlini's silver earrings? or worse some from pasar malam ) --

Well she began avoiding him-- she felt bad about leaving him but yet can't bear to 2 time him -- I would say that Rina is a really gd girl and its really Mr scrooge own making and he deserves it (don't blame me being so heartless) --

Are all men likie that -- till the day they lose do they start to appreciate --

p.s. Someone close 4gets my bday for the 4th consecutive year -- i hate to say this, but i've already given up hope (if u happen to read this, need not ask why i've stopped contacting you.)

RED HAIR

2006-09-23T15:10:00.000+08:00

hi all!!... i was recently involved in one of these events involving unlimited amount of ang mohs.. I never use to feel incline towards them-- having the impression that they are kindof snobbish for my liking.

Anyway, the event required me to be this idiotic vase-- smiling till my jaws freezed-- overall i would say that they are very well mannered-- fyi-- these are super big shots whose fortune might drown the whole of s'pore -- haha kiddin-- anyway yup, they have their noses towards the ground, not in the air-- so pretty much changed my opinion less the fact of an indecent proposal by a red hair to follow me home which i decline IMMEDIATELY...

Will i try someone outside the chinese race? hhmm.. not at the moment i guess-- not that adventurous isnt it

Taz... the baby

2006-09-10T01:15:00.000+08:00

hey .. dun be misled by the title ya-- haha-- i have not popped a baby out as yet, so, no fears-- kaka

Anyway, i just got back from a casual date with this real cute guy-- lots of things to yak about-- there never seems to be a moment of quietness or awkwardness which is GREAT!! (At least i need not talk to myself).

Oh as for the title-- alrite its just the guy's preference-- his car is filled with... BABY TAZ ornaments!! and once i stepped into his stylo automobile, he chuck a Taz cushion and ask me hug it-- isnt it sweet-- rarely i see guy willing to show fondness for cartoon characters in my presence-- which makes him a real interesting character.. did the necessary number ONE on my list -- open the door for me-- i always think its a guy's job to do that-- unless i drive myself then bobian lar--

We had our meal at marche-- not the most expensive location i had, but the treatment was fantastic-- hah-- i had food served to me like the Empress Dowager-- even to the extend of cutting the soft shell crab to bite size for me -- heh -- i'm not the young gal i was once and the older you get, men expects u to be able to care of yourself and thus usually mending only to his own personal needs--

Geez.. he calls me his princess -- *cheesy**.. u bet-- i'm flattered --

As for Taz.. hah -- i still prefer Tweety Bird though----

Woman DO love BAD guys....

2006-08-20T23:25:00.000+08:00

HI guys.. i know i havent been updating for donkey years... so sorry and do bear with me if i tend to be a little naggy --

A little update on my life in the past mths-- i was jobless hah-- very much proud to add on to s'pore 's few % of zeRo earning beings-- well whatsoever-- anyway yup-- i recently started another job which gives me more room to run around and know more people which well i'm still trying very hard to adapt to.

anyway recently i've been analysing 2 men in my life -- Name them Mr. A and Mr. B

Mr. A

Know Mr. A for coming 4 years -- have been his lover eversince... given in to his every command to the extend that i fear really falling in love with him which was never to happen -- our relationship only surronds around sex-- nvr shared a movie or meal together (pathetic hah)-- we will not meet for above two hours-- cos thats the duration for budget hotels isn't it-- someone who never once gave in to my tantrums -- a guy of little words -- some1 who never send me to my door and some1 whom would rather wait for me to cross over the other side of the road to reach his car then to make a u-turn to pick me from where i am-- a guy who tells me straight in the face that he will never LOVE me-- some1 who is not fantastic in bed yet i feel every bit on fire whenever his body presses towards mine -- some1 whom i will think of should i need to masturbate -- some1 whom i never received a gift from or even a birthday greeting from-- cos he never ever remembered my birthday--

Mr. B

The ever giving Mr. Nice-- is always there when i am down -- whenever Mr. A made me cry, Mr. B will always be there to offer his shoulders-- a guy that always makes sure i don't skip my meals -- always picks me at my dorrstep even if he just finish nite shift-- someone who isnt afraid to be seen with me -- someone who will spring surprises at me like calling near midnite and ask me to go Johor with him for drinks ( i tried a ciggie for the 1st time in my life while out with him and his friends-- didnt like it one bit though-- gave up after 3puffs -- i'm such a loser ya-- all my gal friends can socially smoke whereas at my age i still kant take it-- hah) -- some stupid things that he will do like bringing me to escape theme park and playing those tummy churning kiddy rides with me-- yar i admit i am a kid at heart at times -- some1 who carries my auntie bag for me whenever we are out --but its just so heart warming to know there is some1 who treasures u around -- and the catch is-- he never ask for sex-- we are not sexually involved which i myself is surprised -- hah-- some1 who will be so silly to wait downstairs with a bouquet of flowers in hand to see me happy--

Conclusion

So ultimately who will i choose if given a second choice--

Guess u guys know ya -- Its still Mr. A-- don't ask me why -- maybe its just in gals to feel more towards a "bad" guy -- maybe in search of the day he will change and love her in return -- call me a slut for all i care-- even my personal frenz have called me that-- why would i offer myself like a pro -- or even worse-- a non charging pro to some1 who wouldnt care even if i died b4 him -- I thought i would grow out of this infatuation -- but i never did-- he is still the only guy which i choose to trust and allow him to fuck me raw-- someone whom i cant seem to get myself not involved with although we did seperated several times over the years --

Will there be an end to this?? I can only conclude that his badness did attract me initially but with time i am forced to learn to protect myself alittle -- I will still cry if he leaves me -- but I knoe i will live on -- though i very much hope i will not have to live though such heartache --...

Like poles, do attract!

2006-04-25T20:49:00.000+08:00

Oh well, just another day after work -- just a little shocker today in my horribly boring life - - This is what happened--

A gal from my office says she is attracted to me?!?! okok... she is a so called butch-- but then again -- its the first time i encounter such a scene and am kindof shocked by it --

Ok its a daily routine that he/she lets just call her Joe goes around the office calling the gals "mei nu" (pretty ladies) and like to stand up and stare down at the opening on top of the chest trying to catch a glimpse of whatever cleavage is shown, so i usually just laugh my head off -- anyway, today i'm in this tight little mini skirt -- Joe likes to check my legs out, but seriously i dont feel invaded -- u know, to me shes the same kind -- she has what i have and i have what she has -- haha-- Anyway, she went on to claim that how she wanna look between my legs with a mirror claiming it would be a feast -- hmm --

What kind of attention am i getting? Am i suppose to feel afraid? - - but heh, i find it more hilarious then anything else-- haha --

I'M HapPY!!

2006-04-19T20:03:00.000+08:00

Hmm... it has been a long time since i updated... loads to share .. 1stly, i'm feeling kindof amused-- it has been arnd 2mths working in my new office and there is only 2 words to describe -- "IT SUCKS!" period-- i tendered my resignation but well, they stopped me and change my jobscope but well, i'm gonna start actively looking for another job real soon....

Anyway why am i happy.... simple...

I have been facing this sucky looking boss for 2mths and all i get is well, shit -- my first week working with my new boss & amazingly, he replied my job mail today with a smiley-- OMG -- think i kan strike baybio real soon-- that is if i will start buying real soon though...

Ok i know i am backdated -- but have u manage to get footage of the "Tammy's" video? I did manage to view it a month back -- wats the hoohaa about har? She does look quite good, but then again as Patricia Mok says .. she is kindof a dead fish-- anyway i seriously wonder why was there such a big commotion then? don't u guys make personal videos? I personally have full length ones even .. and overseas notti shots-- Am i too open or what? i thought all people do that in their own privacy -- correct me if i am wrong... hmm... One things for sure though-- think she kindof young to be engaging in such kind of activities-- That reminds me -- approx a week back, theres this "God of Songs" guy (He croons real well -- the last time i went out with him, he sang Jay Chou's song -- kaoz..mesmerising..anyway, sidetracked...) whom i once admired during my poly days-- he sms me a seriously weird question -- DOES THE SIZE OF A GUY'S MECHANICS MATTER??

I was working in my office at that time-- when i saw this msg, i almost flipped over my chair-- mind u, he is not young -- he is older then me think he is 29 or 30 i cant really recall--

Well, i answered that size do matter -- it need not be too big cos it may cause pain but at least it "exist"-- then i got real curious.. I mean our relationship was purely platoonic so we dont really discuss these scenarios during our outings -- so being curious me wanna know why is he asking me such a question -- and so, i realise, he just DID IT for the 1st time in his entire life ... *super duper flip* -- I nevr knew he was that innocent-- unbelievable -- and heh, why ask me? i very experience meh? *pisSed

He then mentioned that the whole process he went through was a couple of secs and then he is done -- well i remembered it as being normal -- isn't it? -- isn't it a fact that guys on their first try always flop and not only that.. i realise that when experience guys actually perfrom the sexual act itself with a gal he had never touched b4, he also tends to ejeculate faster .. correct me if i am wrong--- there are exceptions though rare

Anyway, his main proposal came... he ask if he could try me and ask me to give him some pointers -- and i was like " i beg ur pardon!!??" -- decline his offer saying it will be hard to stay platoonic therafter-- scary rite-- hmm-- now i'm still wondering if i shd categories him as a innocent guy who needs more guidance or someone with ulterior motive like many others out there -- i wonder--

Fantasy

2006-03-22T18:45:00.000+08:00

Yawnz... just another day waiting for my yoga lessons to begin .. and so i thought might as well drop by to update alittle...

alright, i was having my yoga lessons as well last friday.. guess wat-- yar ok, the instructor is the alpha male around-- anyway he is damn cool sia-- cut long story short -- was having this position whereby i had to lie on my back with arms outstretched and yet both legs have to be on the same side .. well anyway quite difficult to describe.. ok and this male species came from my left, kneeled down and use his arms to press down my right hand.. (normal to adjust a students position rite) but then again -- while pressing my hands down, his forearm was on my breast... and it was for a good 30secs at least--

I dare not move-- am i being paranoid??? really dont knoe-- but heh, i actually ENJOYED that feeling *blush*--

That created my newest fantasy-- i was wondering-- wat will it be like should i be making out with this instructor in the yoga room with humonguous mirrors--- wouldn't it be great.. ---

Piaks-- better wake myself up from such day dreams -- yoga time -- too bad today is a female instructor hah--

I'M STILL ALIVE!!

2006-03-08T18:38:00.000+08:00

HI ALL!!!! seems as though i have disappeared from the face of this earth havent i... hmm... then again-- i have been real tied down by my new job-- so many things to learn in such a short period of ime that i broke down in my office at 10pm on a friday night--- yes, i was working at those damn hours -- I WANT MY LIFE BACK!!

Anyway, enough of whining-- it even affects my sex drive so much that i feel like a saint for the past month-- every nite i will dream of my FC slamming the table asking for reports -- seems like females are harder to work with then males--

It had been more then a mth since i updated -- wonder if any1 would drop by to check on me -- hehe-- will try to update soon -- hope my life will in turn be as colorful as b4--

MeetinG UncaLled FoR...

2006-01-27T10:03:00.000+08:00

Oh DeaR, i broke my promise... i met up with Mr. Policeman (lets just call him Eric)...

I promised Danny never to meet up with him again -- but i couldnt abide by it -- he sounded so sad -- so dejected -- i have no heart to ignore -- it was middle of the night -- awoken from my dream by a fone number so unfamiliar, a shattering man's voice on the other end-- he was breaking down -- my heart sank along his -- he wanted to convey a message to me and was just at my void deck at 2am--

Found some thing to put on (i usually sleep naked) -- hop down to see if he was ok --

The moment he saw me, he hugged me real tight -- and tears just fell freely -- i was worried -- was he ok, wil he be alrite?

A couple of silent minutes later, i managed to cool him down... look at his big eyes-- there were redness in them -- my heartache very much -- his eyes were his best assets .. always big and bright with life --

He broke up with his girlfriend -- someone whom he tried to love for the past yr and yet it was never meant to be -- he said the gal didnt understand him always giving him pressure to live up to her expectations (i kindof reckon that i was once like that when i was younger -- i always look at wat i think is gd for the person and never allow him to say how he feels -- well with age, we come to understand that life is never always rosy.. there are ups and downs in every single life -- so to not be judged, we shd never judge.. well, i tend to nag alittle nowadays.. bear with me )

Anyway, to recap alittle on our friendship background, .. i knew Eric about 6 yrs back .. i was then this 20yr old kid .. very eager to experience life -- i joined a voluntary organisation and Eric was the 2nd person i knew there -- same age as me -- very dashing indeed -- but a cache is that--- he had a girlfriend for 4yrs then, .. we were never together and thereafter, i got to know Alan whom i'm still together with till date -- Alan and Eric were colleagues ...

Eric broke off with his then girlfriend a yr back and thus, got this new young thing whom is pretty much a lian, young and havoc ( a far cry frm his ex whom i happen to know -- a very nice gal, humble and friendly) --

Well, to cut the story short -- his head on my shoulder, sniffing and tearing
he shocked me -- these were his exact words *我做错了, 当初应该选你* (my mistake, i should have woo-ed u then) alittle taken aback, i tried to ignore --

*不要不理我好吗?* (please do not ignore me) ... lifted his head from my shoulders, i told him *不要糊思乱想* (don't think too much) -- then he went on to tell me things like -- since the time we knew each other, he liked me alot, but the timing was never rite -- this issue had been alll along taboo -- we never liked to raised this issue on* friends or more*... but it seems to be brought up ever so often recently --

He isn't usually such a direct person-- he don't usually voice his thoughts that much -- a quiet aura that once made him so attractive -- i feel like i'm being put in a position whereby i dunno if i shd keep my distance to prevent more feelings ( i don't want him misunderstand my concern for anything more) or shd i just give him a big hug to console him as he is so down -- i don't know my stand --

i manage to coax him to go home first as i have to work early this morning -- he left my void deck unwillingly -- went upstairs and fell straight into bed (i took cough mixture for my stubborn cough-- feeling real dizzy) -- saw arnd 10 messages this morning asking me to reconsider our relationship, apologise for breaking down before me .. thanking me for my time etc...

i dare not reply -- i dun wanna push him down th valley -- i've grown out of the days whereby looks is all that matters to me -- i realise he isnt my kind of guy ( he is gd to look at, but not to be totally involved with) ... i rather him as a big brother --

i hope things will not change after this morning's event... i feel real bad to see him sad... but false hopes will even make him worse i guess ... i hope...

Blank or coloured?

2006-01-23T17:00:00.000+08:00

Sometimes i wonder if u guys out there will 4get me with time? will there be a day where no one finds interest in my writing-- i fear the inability to share my innermost thoughts but yet shun away when people close knows too much -- but will people who duno me personally care? am i thinking too much?... is my life colorful or issit just a blank white sheet with comparison to u guys out there? am i missing out on life?... i feel very lost-- need someone arnd to guide me -- a very vulnerable stage of my life --

*******************************************

Anyway, i just tendered my resignation letter -- is it a hasty decision? i hope not? i have been saying i wanna leave but the moment i handed my letter over, i feel sad -- i kind of miss this place -- i kindof feel attached to a place i have been criticising over a year -- only then i realise that it isnt sooo bad afterall -- i hate this kind of feelign -- its the same for relationships... its always when i wanna throw in the towel that i feel that its my loss-- and regret it -- why didnt i appreciate it while it lasted --

*******************************************

i thought Danny didnt care about me anymore -- i threw alittle tantrum last evening -- but when he came all the way down to MArina Sq to fetch me home -- i suddenly felt bad --- have i made him go an extra mile to do something i do not deserve of -- i know he has been very giving towards me recently -- if he happens to be reading this, i apologise for my unreasonableness at times -- i am under stress -- should i be able to pick my life pieces back together, i will service u better then b4... i promise ok dude... and i hope the bloody sex we had yesterday didnt scare u haha --

**********************************************

I"M BLEEDING TO DEATH... I'M SO GROUCHY-- LIKE AN OLD WOMAN WITH DENTURES AND WALKING STICK--

FingeRing

2005-12-30T12:41:00.000+08:00

Have i ever mentioned previously that i like being fingered -- i really cant recall -- i never like tellign my guy what to do -- i usually let them explore as they please, so even if i'm craving to have his fingers in me, i will not voice it loud -- just have to see how he performs-- hah

Remember Mark that i've mentioned in my previous blog, (the guy whom i had an ONS with and he lasted an hour and a half with 3 continuous session -- well, he called yesterday -- quite a surprise cos it was like almost 3yrs since i met up with him -- he ask to meet up and said that he remembered my every detail even my smell -- he wanna meet up to relive the nite 3 yrs ago -- i turned him down face flat -- i tot that what shd be gd memories must be left as it is-- anything more might cos that little space for fantasy to disappear --

Anyway, Met Danny yesterday for a quick session over my place -- he havent fingered me for a long time-- i just love it when he does it-- cos he doesnt hold back -- even when i'm like moaning and almost screaming at the tip of my lungs in ecstacy, he continuous at his lightning speed -- he goes in hard and fast with i guess 2 fingers -- i was in no mind to evaluate --- anyway, he made me cum and i could feel my juice squirting out of me -- it isnt always this way though -- for me, my cum is plentiful, but usually, it flows out gradually-- but yesterday's one was a hellova mind blower-- my cum squirt out leaving a long trace of it on my bedsheet -- i was satisfied, real satisfied -- he continued to fuck me missionery -- fed me more then sufficient -- i just kant get enuff of him -- I WAN MORE!!!...

The sides of my thighs are kindof aching -- probably over excited and over stretched -- the thought of yesterdays session still leave me real horny...haha...

Lunch time -- Banana please----

MerRy XmAs!

2005-12-27T12:15:00.000+08:00

Hi guys, thks for the overwhelming wellwishing emails - - no worries, i'm still a live -- very much - -

Yar, i had a enjoyable xmas-- a very sinful one though -- loads of super fattening and alot of greediness resulting in overeating-- well, i cooked 2 out of 3 days -- xmas eve bbq, i brought my spaghetthi and curry along -- xmas day together with my relatives, we cooked up a more chinese new yr then xmas spread-- hah--

as for feelings wise, - - zero-- i chose avoidance -- Danny wasnt persistent -- i guess he is on the verge of giving up too -- i kant make up my mind -- Mr Policeman was sick over the weekend -- he called for company -- but i declined -- he sms me throughout xmas saying that he is very sad and 烦 - - i didnt dare see him-- i'm afraid that i would make decisions that i will regret thereafter -- anyway, xmas for me was damn holly--- haha sexless to say the least --

Neh--

***************************************************

What have i been occupied with lately - - hmm - - i've been taking my driving lessons as usual- - trying out yoga though-- hope it helps me both mentally and physically --

**************************************************

My Fav xmas present this yr -- haha-- a see through piece of lingerie -- so kinky haha

WeLLbEInG --

2005-12-20T10:09:00.000+08:00

Sick.. i have been down with a stubborn flu for over a week -- even antibiotics could not seem to conquer it -- couldn't sleep well ... feeling real drowsy throughout the day-- am i gonna die?!?!.... HELP!!!

Tried to do some minimal xmas shopping .. but it seems that there are still many presents outstanding to be bought... stressed -- Mr PolicemAn called -- he was concerned and even volunteered to accompany me present shopping whenever he is needed --

*Shocked*-- Danny actually reads my blog?!?.... so this para is for him -- dun worry, i did not agree to Mr Policeman's offer -- so dun hop mad ok..

there is a xmas tree in the office-- and i counted the gifts for me -- at least 8 presents -- so happy... a few are nameless... i wonder who are they frm-- haha... so exciting --

Alright, driving lessons tonite... hope i wun faint and buang someone -- will be updating soon, so sorry for the lack of updates k...

VerGe of ExPiRY

2005-12-14T09:52:00.000+08:00

I'm confused -- I thought Danny was the only guy that would attract me --

Am damn disappointed that he is ashamed of me -- I've never officially gone out with him b4 -- weird but true -- for the last couple of years, its all so secretive that its getting on my nerves --

Anyway, the wake up call came not too long ago -- from my so called big brother (Mr. Policeman) -- he told me that being a lover, u have to feel loveD when u are with him-- u enjoy time together-- be it a few minutes even -- or wld call or sms each other gdnite etc... u wld think of the other party other then for sexual needs alone --

Ok, i'm alittle spoilt for choice now, cos-- Mr Policeman says he will wanna take Danny's place in my heart -- He will do better then Danny for sure -- Anyway, he want me to join him on a seafood trip to JB tonite ---

Guess what i did -- hah-- I called Danny instead to see if he wanna meet up tonite-- if not -- then wld i proceed with Mr Policeman -- Well, i am staying in s'pore today -- but the sincerity of Mr Policeman seems to have uprooted part of the steadfast feelings i had for Danny throughout the years --

I am still hesitant in letting go -- but might if the offer gets to gd to resist --

SwinGer's PaRty...

2005-12-08T12:49:00.000+08:00

Call me a prude -- haha -- I haev no guts to attend a swingers party till date --

I've received countless invitations recently to attend swinger's party whereby single gals or couples are welcome -- i wonder wat awaits me shd i be there -- would i be embarassed -- or wld i enjoy myself -- shd i go alone -- shd i tag someone along -- hah--

Anyway, watch Nip Tuck where they did show scenes of swinging parties -- real HOT i wld say-- but is that the scene here in Singapore??...

What if i attend and get recognise while at work?!?!?... wldnt it be disastrous-- sometimes i wonder if these parties are for real --

Ask me again and my answer wld be still the same -- I HAVE NO GUTS!--

My Sleeping Child

2005-12-05T15:47:00.000+08:00

Went out with a couple of ex sch frenz over the wkend -- took alot of xmas pics had a great great meal of sushi -- proceeded for coffee thereafter -- life is that relaxed -- loads of joy and laughter -- i like it -- its just so xmas --

It started to pour heavily pass midnite -- Mr policeman sent me an sms wishing me swt dreams -- told him i'm still in town stranded in the rain -- immediately he called me and ask me to stay put whereever i was -- and he hopped out of bed reached town within 20mins -- which was very very fast -- very touched-- came down just to send me home making sure that i was not caught in the rain and fall sick --

He looked real tired -- but insisted on buying me a glass of hot milk at a coffee shop near my home 1st cos he felt my hands were freezing -- sent me up the lift -- bid me gdbye -- i felt alittle guilty and afraid for him to go back in such a state -- told him to come into my house for an hr nap b4 he drives back -- anyway its pouring and it dangerous for him to drive while he is half asleep --

He accepted my offer -- sat on my sofa -- hugging my little cushion -- just like a child -- he just wanted to sleep -- nothing up his mind -- a grown man can be so cute at times --

while he lay on my sofa, i lifted his head up with my arms while i sat on the floor, let him lie on my arms while snuggling against my breast -- he fell asleep --

I look at him sleep with such peace and calmness - - stroking his hair, i closed my eyes and rested my face against the side of his -- he was breathing softly -- a picture of serenity --

MUch aWAitED QuickIE -- uNPrEPaRed

2005-12-02T16:47:00.000+08:00

Danny called -- he is below my office building at 530pm... coaxing me to meet up asap -- took me to a multi storey carpark in sengkang area - - we kissed damn passionately-- a very gd kisser who For secOnds made my soul leave me -- i hugged him tight and tongue him even more -- loads of tongue fighting with alittle sucking effect -- i just love it --

We were on level 4 of the carpark facing this small river in ponggol -- u cant see the river clearly, but the view is not at all restricted, so it faces the trees and skies-- beautiful -- best is that theres not much cars ---

He took off his pants, ask me to give him a blow, which i willingly did while kneeling down at the back seat -- both his bands grabbed mu breast and pulling the bra and spaghetthi top down exposing both my breast -- played arnd my nipples with his icy cold hands -- they erceted in no time -- and i was real horny -- i wanted him badly --

i sucked him real hard in and out -- his dick isnt very big, so i could deep throat him, no problems -- and i know he loves it with the increase excitement while kneading my breast --

Laid me on my back -- Pumped me missionery like a dog gone crazy -- hard and fast -- i was moaning real loud -- he sucked my nipple and bit them real hard -- i screamed but i like it -- kissed my neck up to the hind of my ears -- gosh --- he lasted at least 10mins which was sufficiently satisfying for that kind of turbo speed he was going at -- he came out side me -- gave me a long kiss on my forehead -- clean up and sent me home --

Satisfying indeed -- especially when i least expected -- no plans just met up ad hoc --

He fed me real well -- but i still crave for more -- hmm

AbiLiTy tO cHanGe

2005-12-01T15:51:00.000+08:00

Throughout my life, i've met uncountable men -- the gd, the evil, the gd looking, the plain jacks, the brainy ones, air heads etc etc..... what attracts me most many ask--- there are so many guys, why kant ur heart settle for one - - ?

Probably i'm expecting too much hah --

I like men who possesses attitude -- in fact i prefer the typical "BAD" man -- men who some time in my life left a deep impression -- men who broke my heart, make me cry - - yet leave me crawling back to them unconditionally -- why? many have asked? have u no shame? have u no pride? -- why fancy such jerks ?

I've been shaked many times by people arnd me -- hoping to get some sense into me -- but theres this hope i always carry in me that a particular bad man will change for me -- someone who posseses this Hit me yet Love me attitude --

Masochist --?? but i guess most woman would wish to be the person to change their man-- not to a saint -- but at least someone who will appreciate her a little -- just a little --

My fear of X'mas

2005-11-27T00:33:00.000+08:00

walking down Orchard Road can be quite depressing - - seeing people hand in hand/ family outings happily smiling for fotos with the xmas lightings - - i EnVY such simple happiness --

Don't get me wrong, i am not always a sulky individual - - but am one who enjoys company and detest loneliness - - I'm not afraid to admit that i tend to be quite pessimistic if left alone - - so when i see people enjoying themselves with company for pictures, I very much wanna share that moment - -

With Xmas drawing near, I'm glad that i have already have plans this yr- - a BBQ gathering which well, i agreed without hesitation - - with age, such gatherings get rarer - -

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Many years ago, i remember this simple outing with this young guy friend of mine who was ever so caring -- remembered every occasion and am always there for me - - well, he is younger then me, so we were never together - - but so, i spent this damn romantic Xmas with him - - same place Orchard Rd - - I really can't recall where we dined, -- but i remembered him giving me a bouquet of roses and 2 Richard claydeman CD's which happens to be my fav in those days - - nothing exotic happened , but i just that it began to pour heavily - - me being the moronic soul, always suggest that we walk in the rain - - not many people oblige --always saying i'm mad- how to get home later? -- well, anyway, he held my hand, strolled in the rain -- we even tried dancing in the rain to the mockery of many other road users trying their best to get sheltered - -

Anyway, he did leave me quite a deep impression -- younger guys are less affected by how public view them isn't it?

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worst Xmas -- I was sick at home - - no one remembered me - - i felt horrible but acted tough - - told the rest of my family to enjoy themselves at a party while i cried myself to sleep - - Lonesome Xmas -- I rather not remember - -

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HIs ReTuRn ~~ I lOSt mY RatIoNAliTy

2005-11-23T12:24:00.000+08:00

He called - - i was ecstacised - - i totally 4got the sadness he left me before he went to China - - wanna meet me after work-- help him shop for a jacket b4 he flies off this morning to Thailand then Hongkong -- walked arnd the mall, with me following meekly behind him all this while -- cos i dun wan anyone familiar spotting us together. We kept a distance -- its suppose to be underground - - no one should know about it - -

It was cold - - he portrayed a picture of warmth - - something i wanted the past few days - - i dun bother about anything else-- i just want to be cosily cuddled by him - -

Offered to send me home cos its pouring heavily -- In the lift he was very aggressive -- pushed me towards the side of the lift and kissed me hard on my lips -- plunging his tongue deep within -- kissed me down my neck while squeezing my breast -- i was gapsing for air... startled but yet enjoying every moment of it -- i like him having control over me --

let go of me only when the lift reaches my level -- i hurriedly open the door closing it behind me -- his hands were all over me -- told him to give me time to at least remove my make up-- but he didnt register what i said -- drag me to my room and hurriedly removed whatever i was wearing -- made me suck his already hard cock making it even harder and redder - -turned me over and started fucking me real hard -missionery--

it got me real high -- had several orgasm i guess-- cldnt count -- dunno how some gals can count though -- anyway, i made the same mistake again, i allowed him to cum in me -- i lost my usual cool mind--

Rest back a few minutes, dressed up and off he goes to meet his ex for dinner - - i've come to terms with it, if he wants a sex partner -- period-- i'll play along -- plant my feelings elsewhere --

Just went to the doc to get the pill - - better safe then a danny junior - -

p.s. alot of mails of encouragement frm u guys -- i very much appreciate it...thks and hugs
Sexdoll- - feel free to link me up ya--

gloomy skies - -gloomy me

2005-11-22T14:25:00.000+08:00

raining for the past 24hrs?? - - ever heard the new song by Stephanie SUn Yanzi -- yan lei cheng si -- (super sad song )-- but reminds me theres this line --我的泪水已经变成雨水早已伦回 (tears reincarnated to rain drops) - - so sad ya -- i shall not be sad any longer cos there are others worse off then me around and i even found the courage to comfort a long time friend who is well very troubled with accpetance of the truth after 20+ yrs that his mum had actually went through an op. to deprive him of a younger sibling that he had wanted all his life - - anyway the incident happened more then 10yrs ago and he is slowly coming to terms with it-- he is lucky to be given a chance to live .. so am I..

crazy.. simply crazy

2005-11-21T15:04:00.000+08:00

oh god -- i am going crazy !!--

Though my ex was hugging me when i cried hard on his shoulders - - al that i could think of is Danny riding his ex and her having ahellova gd time - - oh freakish--!! FUCK FUCK FUCK!!! i hate these illusions -- they are giving me sleepless nites and stone like days --

I hate it- - though from the very beginning we know that we were both in this relationship for sex only- - thats why i never ever questioned him - - but with him being more detailed - - i get jealous - - i am turning green with jealousy- -

Will be mourning for a couple of days - - but i'll come back stronger - - i promise myself - - HE WILL REGRET HIS DECISION -- ( a few days of whining shd appease myself ) **grouch**

Revenge? Sweet? neither - -

2005-11-19T22:43:00.000+08:00

Being the typical Scorpio that i am - - I can be Spiteful, yet always dorn a cool front - - i'm burning within -- but will rarely reveal my emotions - -

Anyway getting company wasnt that difficult -- all it takes is an sms thats all - -

Anyway, i'm going out now - - with an ex - - yar revenge it seems - - but i just needed company - - someone who treated me gd but yet i never rally loved - - revenge is never sweet - - to where i dont know- -

Ok here i go - - thats my top - - hah

heartache that i never thought i will ever feel again

2005-11-19T20:41:00.000+08:00

I'm have not felt so weak in a long long time - - i can't help it, the tears cant stop falling - - crap u might think - - but there are some people and things whom i really try to keep and am pissed with myself shd i fail to do so - -

Was shivering earlier- - biting my lower lips in fear that i would shed a tear in front of him which i never allowed myself to- - i shooed him out of my home less then 5mins after he entered - - he left without looking back... i felt betrayed - - i am hurt by him - - and yet i hate myself the most - -

My Story

Danny came over earlier to my place - - telling me that he is leaving later in the night for China on a business trip till Monday late nite - - which well was normal - - he was suppose to bring a belated bday gift for me -- which he well "forgot" as expected- -

Zoomed in on his neck and i saw this real raw red mark which i didnt wanna question any further about - - anyway he was passionate, we kissed and hugged and he took off his top - - happily declaring that the 2 love bites -_ one on the neck and the other on his chest were left by his ex - - i was fuming - - (somethings which i do not question, i dont expect u to be so truthful) i was so damn pissed - - and he took it like - - heh - - its nothing serious ya ( i was just being frank) - - bit my lower lips hard enuff- -threw him his shirt - - get out i said - - it was all silence thereafter - - he dressed up - - i marched to the main door opening it asap - - he did not look back - - he left and i cldnt control my tears further - -

cried myself to sleep waking up 3 hrs later to find myself smsing him that i was sorry for my childish behaviour and wishing him bon vayage - - he did not reply and my heart sank infinitely - - i wanna give him up for gd, but he always returns with so much sweet nothings to say that i keep falling back more into his embrace - -

I yearn yet fear him - - does he ever think of how i felt ?? hah- - Am i expecting too much or have i been taken for granted - -

depressing

2005-11-18T15:24:00.000+08:00

oh something depressing -- someone messaged me during my bday something that irks me alot alot --- the message is simple-- just 1 line and it left me hoping mad ---

Happy Birthday! Welcome to the late 20s

WTF

Private gathering

2005-11-18T14:45:00.000+08:00

HI guys/gals--

If u happen to be reading this, u are one of my few invited guest -- a private gathering and sharing session --

I have been good-- nothing drastic happened to me -- just alittle negative when i deleted the whole damn blog back in October -- thought i could break away from Danny, but things seem easier said then done-- and well, we are bak together again -- btw, he 4got my birthday and i'm still alittle pissed about it --

Anyway, the birthdate declared is fabricated-- i dun wan too much identity exposed -- anyway, its not too long ago that i had my 26th birthday and well not too bad, i received 2 bouquet of flowers and a piece of clothing couriered to my office -- being the envy of my colleagues -- well then again, i remembered saying to many people that flowers are a waste of $$ and that they wither too quickly before u can enjoy their bloom -- nonetheless, i still enjoyed receiving flowers -- I MEAN, WHICH WOMAN WLDN'T ALTHOUGH MORE THAN HALF THE TIME THEY WILL DENY IT -- hah --watever

So any diff being 26? nope-- none at all -- still young at heart -- bubbling with life -- wanting to catch harry potter but cant get the tix-- sucks big time --

Anyway, i havent complained in a long long time, so might as well just pour my toughts alittle-- this ex poly friend of mine whom wanted more space in my life is getting on my nerves!!-- he is appearing ever so often that it scared me if he actually stalks me -- at work i get his email, during lunch i bump into him -- he keeps telling me that he will give me time to think things over -- but hey come on, if the 1st impression is NO.. i bet that impression is gonna last --- i love him as a friend-- nothing else -- the tot of it sends shudders